Tip

 

The telephone rings. No. The doorbell rings. No. It’s the television. I sit down. I turn up the volume. I light a cigarette. I inhale smoke. I exhale smoke. I stretch and place my socked feet on the coffee table. The judge enters the court room. The people in the court room stand up. The Judge sits down. The people sit down. One man says his name is Leo Blossom. He is a young man. The other man says his name is Henry Dlugacz. He is an old man. It seems that Leo Blossom sold one of his kidneys to Henry Dlugacz and now wants the kidney back. Henry Dlugacz has reneged on the money. Leo Blossom no longer wants the money, he wants the kidney. He says he is missing the kidney, he feels no longer whole. Henry Dlugacz tells the judge that the kidney was diseased and that is why he reneged on the money. Leo Blossom denies selling a diseased kidney. He says that Henry Dlugacz did something to the kidney while the kidney was in his possession. Henry Dlugacz refutes this accusation. Leo Blossom tells the judge that he never drinks hard liquor and has never done hard drugs. He admits to beer and pot. Henry Dlugacz calls Leo Blossom a bum. They almost come to blows. The judge has to warn the men that she will hold them in contempt of court. The phone rings. “No,” I say to Kitty, “I am not watching television. I am writing. I am writing about Bloom buying a kidney from Dlugacz.” Kitty is at work. “Not Joyce again,” says Kitty, “it’s always Joyce, Joyce, Joyce.” I put the telephone back in my pocket and turn up the volume of the television. The judge is talking to the two men. She is ready to give her judgment. I am sitting on the edge of the sofa and gnawing on my right thumb nail. There’s a hint of blood. I ignore the pain. There’s a knock on the door. I open the door. It is the mail man. He has a package for me. I take the package and thank him. At Christmas I will tip him good.

 

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